Hanoi: Office sex-talk and Obsessions

How do the people in Hanoi know this? "You can see it in your films" is one of the answers. As soon as a couple appears in western movies or TV shows, you can be sure that he will cheat on her, she will cheat on him, or they will split up. Or all of the above. "It’s just something you know" is another answer. It comes from a 55-year-old Vietnamese, who strongly advised his niece not to marry her British boyfriend: "He will only cheat you later!" warns her uncle. Europeans just think about sex. Their cities are full of lewd billboards and naked women on page three.

Vietnamese are obsessed with sex.

Believe many Europeans. They get this impression, because their Hanoi colleagues in the office, the cafeteria or in the bar in the evening constantly talk about sex. To be precise, they do not talk directly about sex. They only make lewd jokes all the time. Continuously. Even those who speak only a little Vietnamese notice it. Many of these language learners get the impression that Vietnamese is such a very difficult language because each of their broken attempts results in their Vietnamese colleagues explaining with a smirk that they have pronounced the word completely wrong - and have actually said something sexual. Which leads to one of two conclusions: either there is a flood of sexual words in Vietnamese - or many Hanoians have great fun deliberately misunderstanding words.

Oh, by the way - the aforementioned uncle, who is worried about the loyalty of the husband of his niece, is known in the family for having five lovers, and much of his wealth goes on the keeping of these women and his illegitimate children. (Well, you might say, at least he seems familiar with the subject.)

But what does all this mean? Is Hanoi prudish? Is Hanoi over-sexed?

Maybe both. There are no naked women on billboards in Hanoi. Not in the tabloids or on the beaches either. There is no official red light district, and the girls that stand inconspicuously beside the trees in some streets and wait for customers wear as much clothing as a housewife in the winter.

Still, sex is there. No less than in Europe. And not more discretely, but rather - indirectly. In the form of jokes. Or in the form of the questions of colleagues: "And, when is the baby due?". If the child doesn’t arrive at the latest 10 months after the wedding, the entire office is prepared to discuss this topic extensively and loudly. And to give tips. Detailed and exhaustively. Happy to help.

And what that page three girl is to Europeans, the beauty pageant obviously is to the Vietnamese. In Germany beauty pageants are worth no more than a passing mention. In Vietnam, however, one learns that there is not only a Miss World, there is also Miss Earth, Miss Air, Miss Vietnam and Miss Vietnam-who-doesn’t-live-in-Vietnam or Miss Housewife-with-two-children. The main thing is that they present themselves to the jury in bathing suits.

The bottom line? Sex is obviously a wonderful example of the culturally diverse interpretations a word can have. And Hanoi is many things at once and all of them together.

But perhaps the most important conclusion is also: be careful about deducing the sex life of a city on the basis of a television show.