Wednesday morning, breakfast time: I quickly skim through the first pages of my beloved tabloid paper “Posta” ... passing by the crime scenes ... leaving the high society section behind … Yep .. there it is, my favorite good morning lecture: Page 14 – solely devoted to love, relationship problems and sexuality ...
Monday, March 21. 2011
Istanbul: Prudish, or just schizophrenic?
by Kristina Kamp
Like every day, Dr. Haydar Dümen and his notorious Cocker Spaniel decorate the page's top corner.
Today's headline: “Fantasies!”
Question of the day: “Since I saw a movie staging a sex scene in an airplane I can't stop myself thinking of doing that, can you give me any advice?”
Answer (“of the day”, I suppose ..): “Well, could be difficult, and expensive in particular. Where exactly do you want it to happen? Seat or toilet? What if the pilot gets aware of it and causes an airplane crash subsequently? Maybe you should use a private jet […]'
Haydar Dümen – the guy is a phenomenon. Seventy years young, well tanned and with long, white hair, we can certainly dub him the “granddaddy” of sex education in Turkey. In his capacity as psychiatrist and “sexologist” (says Wikipedia ...) he, ever since, makes the newspapers' daily worry doll for boys and girls, man and women, and everyone in between ..
Frequently asked: “How safe is the withdrawal method?” Also highly quoted: “I am masturbating once a week, am I normal?” Or, similar: “I never masturbated in my life, am I normal?” The classic: “My dear willy is about 5 centimeters smaller than the one of his flatmate. How can I make it grow?” Dramatic instead: “My friend is a taylor, can he sew my hymen?”
Whether such stories are true or made up by Dümen himself, what difference would it make? Cause as funny as such stories may seem, these are the questions which drive Turkish readers today! Really, follow three editions and you get a fairly representative overview on what their needs and desires are, how the dominating role patterns look like, and especially: Where the taboo topics are located!
Yes, also in oh-so-open-minded Istanbul a boy who comes out being homosexual still runs into severe problems. Yes, also in this city one sees gynecologists refuse treating girls which “lost” their virginity before marriage. Yes, also in the most 'modern' families, daughters do usually not dare to bring their boyfriends home, and if – that would equal an engagement plan. And just two weeks ago the case of a 13 years-old girl made headlines: She was raped, and it the judge considered, that could have been her own fault.
Hence, from my point of view, this society is “prudish,” even though, in a sometimes pretty schizophrenic way. As damned as homosexuality is, for example, as famous are the two or three showcase transsexuals, "Bülent Ersoy" respectively. Indeed, many mums actually do know about their daughters secret dates, and – more or less – accept that the “best girl-friend” for overnight stays is actually the cute guy from the basketball team – however: They would NEVER talk about that, not even with the daughter herself. The outcome? Prostitution flourishes, abortions are cheap and uncomplicated, the morning-after-pill is sold over-the-counter in every pharmacy, as if it would be an alternative birth contraception method.
But finding tampons in a supermarket? Forget it!
Whether this all is for traditional, religious, whatever reasons? What difference would it make? Me, for my part, I don't like making “Islam” the general scapegoat for such things. Just the opposite, as far as I could see, the Islamic belief is actually on pretty familiar terms with sex and sensuality, especially when compared with Christianity. But admittedly, not only few members of the current party in power - which obviously has an Islamic background - serve the public discourse from an arguable side. As a local chairman recently put it: “Women without headscarf are like houses without curtains – either for rent or for sale!”
Hence, not everyone here appreciates Haydar Dümen for his educational work. Just last year he curtly survived an attack by a gunman in front of his office. He took it with humor, as he usually does, and stubbornly kept advertising his books on “Vaginismus” or “Birth Contraception” ...
Yep, there is a great deal to do!
"Kolay gelsin!” (Take it easy!”)
Like every day, Dr. Haydar Dümen and his notorious Cocker Spaniel decorate the page's top corner.
Today's headline: “Fantasies!”
Question of the day: “Since I saw a movie staging a sex scene in an airplane I can't stop myself thinking of doing that, can you give me any advice?”
Answer (“of the day”, I suppose ..): “Well, could be difficult, and expensive in particular. Where exactly do you want it to happen? Seat or toilet? What if the pilot gets aware of it and causes an airplane crash subsequently? Maybe you should use a private jet […]'
Haydar Dümen – the guy is a phenomenon. Seventy years young, well tanned and with long, white hair, we can certainly dub him the “granddaddy” of sex education in Turkey. In his capacity as psychiatrist and “sexologist” (says Wikipedia ...) he, ever since, makes the newspapers' daily worry doll for boys and girls, man and women, and everyone in between ..
Frequently asked: “How safe is the withdrawal method?” Also highly quoted: “I am masturbating once a week, am I normal?” Or, similar: “I never masturbated in my life, am I normal?” The classic: “My dear willy is about 5 centimeters smaller than the one of his flatmate. How can I make it grow?” Dramatic instead: “My friend is a taylor, can he sew my hymen?”
Whether such stories are true or made up by Dümen himself, what difference would it make? Cause as funny as such stories may seem, these are the questions which drive Turkish readers today! Really, follow three editions and you get a fairly representative overview on what their needs and desires are, how the dominating role patterns look like, and especially: Where the taboo topics are located!
Yes, also in oh-so-open-minded Istanbul a boy who comes out being homosexual still runs into severe problems. Yes, also in this city one sees gynecologists refuse treating girls which “lost” their virginity before marriage. Yes, also in the most 'modern' families, daughters do usually not dare to bring their boyfriends home, and if – that would equal an engagement plan. And just two weeks ago the case of a 13 years-old girl made headlines: She was raped, and it the judge considered, that could have been her own fault.
Hence, from my point of view, this society is “prudish,” even though, in a sometimes pretty schizophrenic way. As damned as homosexuality is, for example, as famous are the two or three showcase transsexuals, "Bülent Ersoy" respectively. Indeed, many mums actually do know about their daughters secret dates, and – more or less – accept that the “best girl-friend” for overnight stays is actually the cute guy from the basketball team – however: They would NEVER talk about that, not even with the daughter herself. The outcome? Prostitution flourishes, abortions are cheap and uncomplicated, the morning-after-pill is sold over-the-counter in every pharmacy, as if it would be an alternative birth contraception method.
But finding tampons in a supermarket? Forget it!
Whether this all is for traditional, religious, whatever reasons? What difference would it make? Me, for my part, I don't like making “Islam” the general scapegoat for such things. Just the opposite, as far as I could see, the Islamic belief is actually on pretty familiar terms with sex and sensuality, especially when compared with Christianity. But admittedly, not only few members of the current party in power - which obviously has an Islamic background - serve the public discourse from an arguable side. As a local chairman recently put it: “Women without headscarf are like houses without curtains – either for rent or for sale!”
Hence, not everyone here appreciates Haydar Dümen for his educational work. Just last year he curtly survived an attack by a gunman in front of his office. He took it with humor, as he usually does, and stubbornly kept advertising his books on “Vaginismus” or “Birth Contraception” ...
Yep, there is a great deal to do!
"Kolay gelsin!” (Take it easy!”)
In houses with curtains closed can't enter the sun;
and in houses where can't enter the sun, will enter the doctor.
Of turkish:
Perdeli eve güneş giremez;
güneş girmeyen eve de doktor girer.
1. Posta is the right newspaper to read if you're looking for fun. We locals find it very enjoyable and so do the uneducated people. You don't get bored when reading it, it has lots of pictures etc.
2. Yes, Haydar Dümen is a phenomenon indeed! I personally doubt if all the questions asked to him are real or not. I suppose some people have fun sending him such questions. Noone advices you to take such questions seriously, so Hadar Dümen doesn't either. He sometimes gives very offensive answers.
3. Posta is not for Istanbul only, but I somewhat agree your comment about Istanbul. The city is "out of its mind" the same level as all the other crowded metropol cities, if not more.
Hey People:
Can't you just understand what author is trying to explain us here instead of dealing with the "tampons" as a main problem. Look at our society; what happened to us really? I don't want to lose my ethics as happened in Europe or America, but there is one truth here as well: "we need education big time..."
Thanks